Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Living in Tension


     I really think God is after my attention.  I know I have said that in previous post, but I am telling you, He really is after my heart.  It’s not that He fell out of my heart and now He is trying to enter back in; it’s more like He is still in my heart only buried deep and now He is fighting to regain His status in my life.  I am living in a tension, which I will soon explain but let me first tell you this…
     Months before Daniel and I got married, we had decided that we would do a daily morning devotion together as a way to help us keep God at the center of our relationship.  We decided that we would start the first week back from our honeymoon.  As of today, we have been married for almost two months and today was only our second day of doing devotions together.  To some that may seem like a long time and to others that may not seem bad at all but the problem is, if we do not discipline ourselves now, it will only become that much more difficult to do later.
     We are reading My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.  Today’s devotion started with the following sentence:

Daydreaming about something in order to do it properly is right,
but daydreaming about it when we should be doing it is wrong.

This sentence is based on the passage found in John 14 when Jesus promises the Holy Spirit to be upon those who obey his command. 

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. 
He who loves me will be loved by my Father,
 and I too will love him and show myself to him.
He who does not love, will not obey my teachings.” – John 14:21 & 24

When Daniel read that first sentence, I thought to myself, “Here we go, another devotion that I could care less about” (I am just being honest).  When he finished reading, I looked up the context of John 14:31 which was the verse chosen for this particular devotion (“Arise, let us go from here”).  And BAM; it was like a smack in the face or should I say another encounter with God. 
     I will leave you with my confession and my confession is this: I find myself living in a tension.  A part of me longs so bad to have a real, living relationship with God, one much like the people whom I am surrounded by here in Guatemala.  And the other part of me does not care to spend the time and energy it takes to pursue God.  I long to have power in my prayer.  I long to be in sync with the desires of God’s heart.  And I long to understand the plans that God has for and for Daniel.  But the truth is, I do nothing to obtain such desires.  So my question to myself is this, do I really love God?  Am I really being obedient?  The passage in John makes it clear that you are either obedient or you are not; you either love God or you do not.  Where o where is my allegiance?

1 comment:

  1. Sound´s like you´re on the right track. If you think you owe him more attention, maybe there´s never enough, then try to focus on the Joy of spending more time with him. The joy of seeing more of what he can do in your life and through you. The excitement for what he can say and show you this morning for the day to come. Not every day will be joyful but It helps to get started at least.
    And remember to hang in there, the fruit might not come directly.

    Matthew 7:7
    /Daniel

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