I
really think God is after my attention.
I know I have said that in previous post, but I am telling you, He
really is after my heart. It’s not
that He fell out of my heart and now He is trying to enter back in; it’s more
like He is still in my heart only buried deep and now He is fighting to regain
His status in my life. I am living
in a tension, which I will soon explain but let me first tell you this…
Months
before Daniel and I got married, we had decided that we would do a daily
morning devotion together as a way to help us keep God at the center of our
relationship. We decided that we
would start the first week back from our honeymoon. As of today, we have been married for almost two months and
today was only our second day of doing devotions together. To some that may seem like a long time
and to others that may not seem bad at all but the problem is, if we do not
discipline ourselves now, it will only become that much more difficult to do
later.
We
are reading My Utmost for His Highest by
Oswald Chambers. Today’s devotion
started with the following sentence:
Daydreaming about
something in order to do it properly is right,
but daydreaming about
it when we should be doing it is wrong.
This sentence is based on the
passage found in John 14 when Jesus promises the Holy Spirit to be upon those
who obey his command.
“Whoever has my
commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me.
He who loves me
will be loved by my Father,
and I too will love him and show myself
to him.
He who does not love,
will not obey my teachings.” – John 14:21
& 24
When Daniel read that first
sentence, I thought to myself, “Here we go, another devotion that I could care
less about” (I am just being honest).
When he finished reading, I looked up the context of John 14:31 which
was the verse chosen for this particular devotion (“Arise, let us go from
here”). And BAM; it was like a
smack in the face or should I say another encounter with God.
I
will leave you with my confession and my confession is this: I find myself
living in a tension. A part of me
longs so bad to have a real, living relationship with God, one much like the
people whom I am surrounded by here in Guatemala. And the other part of me does not care to spend the time and
energy it takes to pursue God. I
long to have power in my prayer. I
long to be in sync with the desires of God’s heart. And I long to understand the plans that God has for and for
Daniel. But the truth is, I do
nothing to obtain such desires. So
my question to myself is this, do I really love God? Am I really being obedient? The passage in John makes it clear that you are either
obedient or you are not; you either love God or you do not. Where o where is my allegiance?